After the breakup, I have never been shy to know new people.
There is a guy from Iran, very sweet and polite. One day, we was chatting through iMessage. He was talking about Persian, which I had had a sense about, and its food. When he mentioned chickpea, I said, oh I love it, used to had it when I had Arabic cuisine. He responded that to be frank, it is insulting to cognize a Persian as Arab. Instantly, I felt that what I said may be perceived differently as what might be offensive. To be polite, I apologized.
However, as someone who loves the exchange of the culture, how can I miss this part of the world? My ignorance on that part of the world is to pack all of them as a group and treat all of them the same. I remember when Richard went to Tehran for the first time, I worried as hell, an indication that I had stereotyped all of people from Middle East as what we have been seeing in media. On the other hand, I was quite curious on their cultures, religions, and languages, because that is the part of world, from the education I received, I have never got deep understandings.
With that thoughts, where else of the world has been forgotten like this? For me, they are South America, Africa, East Europe and West Asia, and Southeast Asia. What a world I can discover! As such, should I be so sad about the breakup? Half and half. The counterfactual is that I settle down and then let those wonders escape from my curiosity. Will I still be the one who believes in that life is once adventure?
Today marks an end of 6 year of period. What I learned from the reflection recently is that I do feel bitter but I can also shift mode from personal emotional one to a business thought one pretty quick. It feels like I can instantly build a mental wall to limit my thought on my emotion.
That is something new to me. However, I feel like it might not be healthy to build such a mental dan. There is some tendency to let the water out. I think the 1 month time period I set was correct to just get over with or get used to it. Also there are some questions I think I need to answer.
1, What did I learn from this? In the past, I trade off my future for desire; now I trade off my dearest for my future. Either way is bitter.
2, How do I feel? Blaming him for sure. Hurts. Then trying to make sense with logic, which leads me to 3 points:
- The trust, built from zero and through 6 years, was thrown out of the window like worth nothing. Not even tried to treasure it.
- I have been mistreated with only selfish all over the years, something I was blind about or at that time did not care, but now don’t want anymore. As such, I need to change that.
- I have better options from the data collected in the past 3 weeks.
If the “close friends” is what he intended to go for, which I think is selfish with certain degree of possibility, I need to address the first 2, as past is the past, the decision should only be made for a better future.